Friday, April 4, 2008

Breaking: Backlash against relaxed PW schedule

Pirates have boarded a French luxury yacht near Somalia, and taken all 34 crew members as hostages, French officials reported this morning. The attack appears to be in response to a relaxed schedule of "Pirate Wednesday" posts on the popular internet blog The Jolly Bloger [sic].

Once a weekly feature of piracy-related news, biographies, and humerous non-sequitars, Pirate Wednesday has become sporadic and unpredictable, upsetting pirates and internet users the world over.

"Our demands are simple - we want a new PW post each and every week, 150 words minimum, posted before 12:00 PST. We will kill one Frenchman a week for every missed post," the captain of the pirate crew was quoted as saying.

We contacted internet phenom Jolly Bloger for comment in his metro Vancouver office:

"What? Screw off, I said I'm busy with a new job. I'll post more often when things calm down - or maybe not, I dunno, it's my god damn site."

At the mention of a French proposal to require by law a minimum of one PW post per week, the Jolly Bloger began to yell unintelligibly for ten minutes. Something about the rights of the people, free speech, and hippies.

"We just want our favourite website back to normal," the pirate captain told us by satellite phone. When asked what their second favourite website is, he responded "fARRRk.com"